She flashed him a quick smile. “There wasn’t much time for meaningful conversation. Besides, I didn’t want you to stop.”
He couldn’t deal with this. Nothing made sense. “You were together with Joel for nine years. In all that time you never….”
“Obviously not. Actually, we never did anything. Not even heavy petting. I told you, there was no passion. That’s one of the reasons I ended the relationship.”
She rolled on her side and faced him. “Don’t worry, Ryan. I’m not some innocent teenager.”
“No, you’re an innocent twenty-four-year-old nanny. What the hell was I thinking?”
“I’m almost twenty-five.”
As if that made any difference, he thought grimly.
She touched his cheek. “Don’t worry. I understand exactly what’s happened here. We made love. I don’t have much experience, but I can tell you it was amazing for me. It probably wasn’t really smart, but it’s done. I’m not going to take advantage of the situation. I’m not going to demand a relationship with you. I still work for you and I think with a little bit of effort on both our parts, we can get back to just being friendly coworkers.” Her smile returned. “Just not this friendly.”
He stared at her. “That’s it?”
“Sure.”
She was saying everything he might have said, if he’d been thinking. Why did it sound so wrong coming from her?
“Cassie,” he started.
She leaned over and kissed his mouth. “No, I won’t talk about this anymore.” Then she stood up and gathered her clothes together. After slipping into his robe, she turned to him. “I’ll return this in the morning. Good night.”
With that, she was gone.
Ryan stared after her. Cassie had said everything just right. He should believe her. The only problem was he suddenly didn’t want to.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
AS CASSIE GAVE Sasha her breakfast, she listened for the sound of footsteps on the stairs. No doubt Ryan would want to have yet another heart-to-heart talk when he came down this morning, so she had to be prepared.
She’d spent most of the night going over what she would say to him. He would be worried that she was all right, and probably worried that she would expect a real relationship. She would have to reassure him on both accounts. The first would be easy, because she was all right. In fact, she felt terrific. Ryan had made her first time wonderful. She knew she would remember everything about their being together for the rest of her life. Thinking about it now sent a shiver through her tummy. She wanted to be with him again, be held close and feel him inside her. She had a feeling that there was a lot of potential there.
Convincing him of the second issue would be a lot more difficult. Not only did she really want a relationship with him, but she was in love with him. She didn’t know how much she was going to be able to fake about all that. At least she had a little practice at not showing her feelings, even though she wasn’t sure it was going to be enough.
She wanted to be with Ryan, but only because he wanted it, too. She would rather be alone than have him with her out of guilt or mercy. So she was going to have to convince him that she felt only a passing interest and that she could easily walk away without a backward glance. She sighed. It sounded simple in theory—but was she going to be able to pull it off?
She stiffened as she heard his footsteps, then smiled at Sasha. “Can you eat that by yourself? I have to go tell Uncle Ryan something, then I’ll be right back.”
Sasha nodded and continued to eat her breakfast. She mumbled something that sounded like the two-year-old version of “big girl.” Cassie kissed the top of her head.
“Yes, you are a big girl, and very special. I’ll just be a minute.”
She headed out the door and intercepted Ryan in the hall. From here she could keep an eye on the toddler, but not be overheard.
“Good morning,” he said when he saw her.
She took in the stern set of his face, the signs of sleeplessness, the lack of a smile and knew that she’d been right. They were going to have a serious talk. She drew in a deep breath. “While I don’t mind having these talks with you, Ryan, it would be nice if all of them didn’t have to happen before I’ve had my second cup of coffee.”
He shoved his hands into his slacks pockets. “Sorry about that, but this one can’t wait.”
“Oh, I know.” She could see him gathering himself for whatever speech he’d prepared. She didn’t think she could bear to listen to his carefully worded dismissal, so she decided on a preemptive strike. “I know what you’re going to say.”